A White Man Cares
Last week I had the opportunity to introduce Tim Wise to an audience of nearly 400 people. As part of my opening comments, I shared how I read his autobiography, White Like Me,
and how much it meant to me that a White man cared about these issues.
Apparently there were students who took issue with my comments as they
presumed I was implicating that other White people, meaning them, did
not care. The thing is that when I say this to, well, White folks who
openly care about the same issues as I do, they get it right away with a
look of understanding of "Yeah, we know."
Yet I understand how I can be misunderstood. In US American White culture, it's about the individual. When I raise the topic of race and racism among White friends, the immediate response is "I'm not a racist!" What's funny (not haha) is that the individualism doesn't apply to other groups. That is, all Black men are dangerous, all Asian Americans are smart and all Hispanics are illegal.
A different and I believe a better response to my statement would be more of an attitude of curiosity. And to consider asking these questions, "I wonder why she had such a response? What's the story behind that? What hurt her? Why was she moved by his book? Why Tim Wise?" Believe me, there is a back story that explains why I said what I said.
When it comes down to it, those of us in the numerical majority whatever that may be don't have to care about those on the margins. We just don't. As it's said again and again, it's like fish in water. It's all we know, we don't know better and sometimes we simply don't want to know.
But how meaningful it is to discover that someone who doesn't have to care does. I think of my first date with my boyfriend and how I explained to him why I asked him to meet me at the restaurant than pick me up at my home. I told him that I was nervous about having a date with someone who was essentially a stranger and would know my address. I talked about being stalked and finding myself in a near-rape situation that terrified me.
His response was, "I'm so sorry that you have to go through what you do. As a man I never have to and I'm sorry that it's that way for you and for other women."
Empathy.
Yet I understand how I can be misunderstood. In US American White culture, it's about the individual. When I raise the topic of race and racism among White friends, the immediate response is "I'm not a racist!" What's funny (not haha) is that the individualism doesn't apply to other groups. That is, all Black men are dangerous, all Asian Americans are smart and all Hispanics are illegal.
A different and I believe a better response to my statement would be more of an attitude of curiosity. And to consider asking these questions, "I wonder why she had such a response? What's the story behind that? What hurt her? Why was she moved by his book? Why Tim Wise?" Believe me, there is a back story that explains why I said what I said.
When it comes down to it, those of us in the numerical majority whatever that may be don't have to care about those on the margins. We just don't. As it's said again and again, it's like fish in water. It's all we know, we don't know better and sometimes we simply don't want to know.
But how meaningful it is to discover that someone who doesn't have to care does. I think of my first date with my boyfriend and how I explained to him why I asked him to meet me at the restaurant than pick me up at my home. I told him that I was nervous about having a date with someone who was essentially a stranger and would know my address. I talked about being stalked and finding myself in a near-rape situation that terrified me.
His response was, "I'm so sorry that you have to go through what you do. As a man I never have to and I'm sorry that it's that way for you and for other women."
Empathy.
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