The View From Here

This morning I had an argument with my BF and it did not go well. No surprise. Also no surprise that the argument started at point A and ended up at point Z or what I'd call "planet mars." My poor BF, he had no idea what hit him (metaphorically of course) but neither did I. By the end of the argument, I found myself standing alone in the middle of the living room with tears threatening to stream from my eyes, and eventually they did. The feelings that arose were a powerful potion of regret, anger, sadness and perplexity as to my teaching experience in China in 92-93. As some people know, I was interrogated in China in 1993 and my visa was unexpectedly cancelled because I allegedly broke the law. Later, Chinese officials admitted that they "may have made a mistake" which is pretty much an outright confession for having done something wrong and being sorry for it. For years I always believed that what I set out to do in China came out of a sincere desire to...

Over pancakes and eggs, me and my BF had a conversation about the use of language and who gets to use what words, is there a double standard and even if I could use a charged word like the "N" word in a legit context, should I? Then there were musings and questions about assimilation and acculturation, and what would I have preferred growing up? Pretty intense for a morning chat; however it's pretty typical for us as two people who work within a university setting - him as a professor and me as a counselor. Soon enough, my feelings got in the way of my thinking rationally or being empathetic as I began to go from conversing to arguing with my BF of nearly 14 years. You'd think we would know (or at least me) by now to not walk into this quagmire of talking about race, language, privilege, and power. What was both interesting and disturbing to me is that how my emotions are still just right under the surface when it comes to diversity, racism, Whiteness, power, and ...

***This posting has spoilers for the film "Split"*** Last weekend I went to see the film " Split ", which is about disassociative identity disorder  (DID) or is still commonly known as multiple personality disorder. For many of us, we think of the book " Sybil " back in the 70s then later the film featuring Sally Field as the client, Sybil. However, interestingly, the client admitted years later that she faked her diagnosis .  Although DID as a diagnosis is fairly uncommon although the  phenomena of disassociating  is more common that we think due to stress, trauma or even illness. As I watched the film, it was clear to me that there was a significant amount of stereotyping to depict the different identities such as "Barry" who liked to design clothes and had an affect that would be stereotyped as "gay." Another is that the film was reinforcing the belief that mental illness is over-the-top and beyond repair. Also that mental illn...

Hope is the only thing that sustains me, and it is a hope that is grounded in my Christian faith. So while everyday I read about the dumb and dangerous acts and words of our president-elect and his cabinet, I also learn of people who give me hope. A recent story lifted my spirits because it was about Christians unlike some evangelicals who supported the president-elect (can we say mostly middle-aged and old White men?), these are followers of Jesus Christ who in their small way were going to welcome the stranger and the marginalized the way Jesus did. Learn more about their story on NPR .

Well, it has been over a month since the U.S. election and what was impossible became reality. I can't even write the name of the president-elect as I'm still incredulous about the results. However it wasn't unforeseen as I recall a friend of mine from Kenya in his usual prescient way that he thought the Republican nominee may actually win the election. He implored that me (and others like me) as a U.S. American to be the vanguard of the democracy of the nation of my birth. I voted. We lost. It took a couple of weeks for me to get my bearings and to begin to apply the principles of acceptance and mindfulness to my own distress. I also took hold of the concept of Radical Acceptance  that comes from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It means for me to truly, truly accept the reality of what's happening as awful as it is while also seeking productive change. For me, that change is resistance. Resisting the hatred of those who differ. Resisting the diminishing power...

Last night I attended the first class for my internship course. At the start of the class, we all meet as a large group then split into our individual groups with our faculty supervisor. Now, more often than not I don't think too much about being the only person of color in a class (or at least what I'm able to discern) or in a smaller group setting. By now I've gotten used to that experience having grown up in a majority White suburb west of Boston and worked at majority White companies and colleges for the past 30 years. However...I always find myself taken off guard in settings like last night's large group gathering for which I am truly the Only One among forty students in their last year of graduate studies with all White faculty. I must admit that I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach and had to gather myself to stay focused. It didn't help that some of my classmates described a diversity exercise they experienced as being "racist." I know that ex...

As you may have noticed, many of my blog postings are about the issues I have about previous workplaces and their lack of diversity, lack of cultural understanding, institutional racism and willfulness in their White privilege. So much of it was about working through the oppression I experienced in those places, and in so many ways it was necessary for me to do so for my healing. However, most recently, I recognized that my seemingly constant outrage was not helpful in my pursuit for peace of mind. For a long time I equated being passionate to being angry. No doubt there are plenty of times that calls for righteous anger and moral indignation. Yet, I am now choosing to move on and let go even when I know the issues at these institutions are not going away any time soon. All I can do is watch "Rome burn." I wish it could be otherwise but my hope needs to be re-directed in other ways that will actually make a difference. Time to move on....